


Golden

by confxsed



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Dragon Sickness, Fluffy Ending, Gold Sickness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-08 12:19:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3208892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/confxsed/pseuds/confxsed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin's dragon sickness draws him to golden-haired Fili. Instead of attempting to possess his nephew, Thorin finds that the young dwarf gives him the strength to overcome it. Fili begins to look at his uncle in a different light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Golden

Fili lay awake watching the sleeping face of his uncle in his bed next to him. Thorin’s face was peaceful with rest, no longer plagued by the demons that had been haunting him earlier that night. Thorin often ended up with Fili when things got like this.

Fili recalls the first time this ever happened. The company had been unable to really enjoy their victory in the Battle of Five Armies, as people now referred to it. Thorin had managed to shake off his grandfather’s burden before the battle, but it had been even more of a struggle to keep fighting it afterwards, while he was trying to rebuild the Dwarven Empire. The company would watch helpless as Thorin’s presence of mind slowly faded, day after day. His voice became gruffer, his eyes glassy, his temper shorter.

He would spend more and more time in that low chamber where the gold still lay. Kili would go to him, tears in his eyes, and do all he could to bring his uncle back. Fili would always stand back, watching from afar, not wanting to let his little brother out of his sight when Thorin was in that state.

Kili came back every time, angry with Thorin for succumbing to the gold sickness, angry with himself for failing to help. “He barely even acknowledges my presence.” He would bemoan.

“It is no use, Kili. How many times do I have to tell you? That’s not _him_ down there.”

“And you just accept it, do you?” Kili had asked angrily.

Fili would hug his brother then, trying to comfort him. But Fili had found that his comfort was needed less and less by his little brother, who would often seek out the arms of the elf. Fili tried to be happy for Kili and Tauriel, and in a way he was. He just wished his brother had chosen someone easier. Fili was tired of overhearing vulgar comments about the purity of the Durin line.

Back then Fili had found that he often lay in bed long into the night waiting for sleep to take him. He would clutch his blankets in his fists, trying not to let his eyes fill with tears or the fear for his uncle overwhelm him. As a result, it was early in the morning when Fili finally fell asleep. He had barely gotten more than half an hour of rest when the door of his room slammed open. Fili had sat up immediately, reaching for the knife he kept near his bed, heart pounding in his chest.

Thorin stood in his doorway, eyes wide, chest heaving.

“Thorin?” Fili questioned fearfully.

Thorin stumbled towards the bed, looking half drunk, and all but collapsed onto it.

“Fili . . .” he moaned weakly. Fili let the knife slip from his grip as he moved to embrace his uncle. Before he could, however, Thorin seized him and yanked him down beside him. He gripped Fili tightly, shaking slightly.

“What is going on? Thorin? Are you well?”

Thorin did not respond, but his eyes locked onto his nephew’s. Fili gasped, _oh bless Mahal, they’re clear, he’s fighting it!_ Although his expression was pained, the King’s eyes were clear blue, free of the cloudiness Fili had come to associate with the gold sickness.

“You fought it!” Fili whispered, his voice full of wonder.

Thorin looked like whatever he was fighting in his mind was threatening to take over any minute. “Yes, yes, but Fili, please, I need to see you.” He knelt over his nephew and stared at him, unabashed.

Fili felt a blush creep up his neck. _Why did Thorin gape at him like that?_ Thorin reached out hesitantly and ran his fingers through Fili’s hair. He did it over and over, gazing at the blond locks with marvel, and Fili finally understood. He did it until his stiff features began to relax and the pain in his eyes was not so pronounced.

Thorin closed his eyes for a moment and exhaled in relief. He then opened his eyes and cupped Fili’s cheek. “My golden boy” he smiled. Fili felt his heart jump. Although both he and Kili knew their uncle adored them, he hadn’t been affectionate like that since they were still dwarflings. Thorin lay down next to him, face first on the bed. He didn’t embrace his nephew like Fili had expected, but instead let his arm drape against the younger dwarf’s. His hand did not grip Fili’s forearm, but rested gently on it, his thumb stroking the skin almost absentmindedly. Thorin’s head was turned to the side, a heavy lidded gaze on his heir’s face.

Fili had been unsure what to think of that whole exchange, but he was very glad to see his uncle looking so peaceful. “Sleep, uncle” Fili spoke softly. Thorin’s lips twitched in amusement, but he obeyed, letting his eyes close and sleep take him.

When Fili awoke the next morning, the other side of his bed had been empty. He ventured out into the heart of Erebor, uncertain what he would find. The first thing he encountered was Kili’s wide smile.

“He’s back, Fee! Look!” The young dwarf exclaimed, leading Fili into the main hall. There Thorin was, brow furrowed with concentration, engaging in conversation with his main council.

“I don’t know how he did it, but it’s him again!” Kili’s excitement was contagious, and Fili couldn’t help but grin for the rest of the day.

He had wanted to speak to Thorin about the previous night, but when he finally caught the King’s eyes, something told him this was not wanted. Thorin later called him over to introduce him to a young maiden dwarf who blushed every time he looked at her, but Fili only had eyes for Thorin. Fili took his uncle’s lead and did not bring up what had happened. He tried not to let it bother him. Time passed, and Fili almost forgot.

Then Thorin showed up in Fili’s room again, the same desperation etched onto his face. Without words, he would let his uncle hold him, face buried into his golden hair until the King’s distress ebbed into sleep. The visits happened occasionally, sporadically. Fili’s eyes were constantly drawn to Thorin from then on. He was protective, worried, but there was also something else . . . a feeling he couldn’t describe. Eventually, Fili began to predict when the visits would happen. He only noticed the subtle changes to Thorin’s demeanour, the weariness and tightness, because he watched him so closely. Eventually the burden became too much and Thorin would come for Fili. The prince tried not to look forward to these visits, knowing how they only came to pass from Thorin’s pain, but sometimes he couldn’t help it. After Thorin had fallen asleep next to Fili, the younger dwarf would fight to stay awake and appreciate Thorin’s company. Every time, sleep pulled Fili from reality before he was ready. Every time, Fili woke to find his bed empty.

 

* * *

 

  
Fili woke groggily as the bed jostled slightly. He opened his eyes and squinted around the room. Thorin was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. Fili seemed to wake up completely then. He had finally, _finally,_ caught the King leaving. With a quiet sigh, Thorin stood up to leave the room and Fili acted quickly. Just as Thorin took a step, Fili reached out and grabbed his wrist. “Wait.”

Ever so slowly, Thorin turned to face his nephew with his eyebrows raised. Fili’s heart beat furiously, he was so nervous. Fili let go of his wrist and, thankfully, the King did not try to make an escape.

The prince rubbed a hand over his face wearily, “why do you always leave, uncle? You don’t have to.”

Thorin sat down on the edge of the bed again, his back to his nephew. “I am sorry, Fili. I have not been fair to you. I do not wish to be a burden.”

“A _burden_? Why would you even think that?”

“You should not have to see me like this, so weak, so – ” he broke off, head bent down. Thorin sat leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees, his hands clasped together in front of him.

“You think because you are a King, you are not allowed to feel weak? Uncle, I like being able to help you.” Fili sighed. “Thorin, come here. Let me see you.”

Thorin moved back onto be bed quietly and both dwarves sat up against the headboard. “Will you not just talk to me about this?” Fili pleaded. “I wake up and you’re never here, and then you never want to acknowledge this after. I know this is about the gold – just explain it to me, _please_.”

Thorin gave his nephew a small smile and smoothed down his seep ruffled hair. “Of course. You deserve as much.” Thorin took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut. “You are right – this is about the gold. When I feel the desire for it tugging at me, threatening to pull me under, I come to you. I feel the same draw to you, Fili – your hair. There are very few golden-haired dwarves.” Thorin gave him a small smile.

Fili felt his mouth turn down in a frown, not sure that he liked what he was hearing, even though it was confirming his original suspicions. Thorin continued “It is very hard for me to be away from the gold when it takes over. Everything about you is golden – your hair, your skin, your _heart_. Being with you is like a compromise – it _satisfies_ , for lack of a better word, my gold lust, but it also reminds me of who I am because I don’t want to own or possess you, Fili. I care about you too much. I draw my strength from you because you remind me of why I have to fight this.”

Listening to this made Fili’s throat close up and tears threaten to form in his eyes. He swallowed them back and did something he hadn’t done since he was a dwarfling – he hugged his uncle. Thorin wrapped his arms around the boy and held him against his chest.

“Why leave, though?” Fili asked quietly.

“As I said, I did not want to burden you. I do not like having to be so weak.”

Fili looked up at him. “You’re not weak!” He said adamantly. “I want you to stay. I enjoy your company, Thorin,” he said with a blush.

“I will stay next time, if you wish.” Thorin said, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Uncle?” Fili murmured. When Thorin hummed quietly, Fili continued. “You know I can give you more, if you would like. More than this.”

Thorin looked down at him in confusion. Fili could see that he did not understand and he bit his lip with nerves. He reached up slowly and brushed his thumb along Thorin’s cheekbone, curving his finger up towards his eye and then down across his chin.

Thorin's eyes widened as realisation dawned across his face and he immediately withdrew his arms from around the blond’s body. “Fili!” He admonished. “I’m your uncle!”

“It is not so unheard of, is it?” Fili questioned sheepishly.

“It doesn’t matter!” Thorin said angrily.

“I take it you do not feel the same way?” Fili hadn’t realised how much this rejection would hurt. _Why did I have to go and ruin everything?_

Seeing the hurt on his nephew’s face, Thorin immediately felt guilty. “Fili, you cannot see me that way, it’s . . .” Thorin groaned in frustration as he couldn’t find the right words. “Do you think so little of me that you believe I would take advantage of you in this situation?”

“This has nothing to do with the gold sickness, Thorin.” Fili said forcefully. “This is about me. How I feel when you are here and how I feel when I wake up and you are not.”

“What about Kili?”

“Kili?” Fili raised his eyebrows. “What about him? He has Tauriel.” Despite the situation, Fili couldn’t help but laugh at the grimace that marred Thorin’s face as soon as he mentioned the elf. Thorin had made it clear to his brother that he did not approve of Tauriel, but to his credit he never forbade Kili from being with her. Fili thinks he will be forever grateful to her for saving his youngest nephew twice when he could not himself.

“Thorin, will you answer me honestly? Have you never thought about this?” He asked patiently. Fili watched the emotions play out across his uncle’s face: uncertainty, anger, regret and then resignation.

“Sometimes,” Thorin whispered, “it can be very hard for me to get up and leave. When I see you lying there, looking so peaceful, I want to lie with you as an equal. Not as someone who needs you to drive his demons away.”

Fili smiled, looking satisfied. Thorin glared at him, “But it’s wrong, Fili. You are my heir, my _family_.”

Fili leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his King’s lips. Thorin did not kiss back, but his lips were pliant under Fili’s.

“Does that feel wrong?” Fili asked quietly.

Thorin looked a bit dazed for the moment, but then he answered. “It doesn’t matter how it feels. What would people think?”

“Of course it matters how it feels. That’s the _only_ thing that matters! Anyway, I think people would be more concerned with the fact that I cannot bear you heirs rather than the fact that we are blood. We wouldn’t be the first, Thorin.”

“But that’s exactly what I am saying!” Thorin threw his hands up in frustration. “You have to marry one day and produce an heir. My line will _not_ die out.”

“’ _Produce an heir’”_ Fili scoffed. “You make it sound like a chore. So . . . one day I will marry and I will have my own children, if that would make you feel better.” Thorin frowned, biting his lip.

Fili leaned up to brush away a stray hair that had fallen over the King’s face. “It doesn’t mean that I will ever love you any less.” He said fiercely.

Thorin swatted Fili's hand away impatiently, but he felt his resolve wavering. “Is this really what you want?”

Fili kissed Thorin’s nose and huffed a small laugh at the surprised look on his uncle’s face. “Nothing would make me happier,” he answered. “Look, I know you are not as sure of this as I am so let us take it slow, okay?”

“Okay,” Thorin relented, watching as Fili’s answering grin lit up the whole room. “You have a wonderful smile, _kidhuzel_.”

Fili laughed and kissed Thorin gently. He felt pleasure flush through his body as the King responded eagerly. When Fili felt the older dwarf’s tongue enter his mouth he climbed on top of Thorin. The kiss turned more passionate, more desperate and Fili couldn’t help but press his whole body down against Thorin’s. His hand slipped under the King’s nightshirt and began to caress the hard body underneath him.

Thorin broke the kiss with a moan. “I thought we were going to take it slow?”

Fili sat up with a pout. “Fine.” Thorin started to move and Fili panicked, “You’re not leaving? Thorin?”

“Calm down, Fili, I’m just lying down properly,” Thorin said with a chuckle. Fili breathed a sigh of relief.

“Lie with me, _kidhuzurâl_.” Thorin whispered. Fili settled against Thorin’s shoulder and wrapped an arm possessively around his stomach. Thorin stroked his hair with affection, rather than the usual desperation Fili was more accustomed to.

“You’re really staying?” Fili mumbled.

“I’m really staying.” Thorin affirmed fondly.

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure if these are accurate but this is what I found:  
> Kidhuzel = the most golden  
> kidhuzurâl = golden one


End file.
